“The Lonely Menace”This would be an entry in the diary of a spammer. Due to the massive amounts of spam posted on a forum/discussion board I frequent, I thought I would make a humorous series called “Spam Wars.” This is the first episode. There will be two more. Stay tuned and enjoy! The alarm rings. I wake up in bed to yet another dreary day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, yet I feel desolate. For I am alone.
Yes, alone, for there is no lover to comfort me or keep me warm at night. There’s no one to come home to after a bad day (in fact, I stay home all the time because I cannot bear the thought). I am here, waiting for my lover to come and sweep me off my feet and take me away from this dreary existence into a life of love, romance, and adventure.
I turn on the computer and check my facebook and myspace for any messages from any of the random men I added the night before. As always, there is nothing. Before checking eHarmony, I stop and look at my Superpoke Pet. He looks just as lonely and sad as I do.
Finally, I remember to check the Superpoke Pets forum. I post a quick message communicating my availability. As I read it over, my eyes well up with tears, for it accurately describes my loneliness and desperation.
“i m a sngle and loneley woman. i need a LUVER”
How can people be so callous? Already I see replies which are clearly mocking me. “This is not a dating site. Please do not post this.” or, “I could care less if you had a lover. Why don’t you spend your time bettering this world instead of going around looking desperately for a lover??”
Their words wound me to the depths of my soul. Why can’t they understand? A boy + girl = LIFE. There is no question about that. Without a boyfriend, there can be no life. There can only be sadness. Life is not worth living without that partner.
It has been 3 days now since I’ve had a boyfriend. I do not know how much longer I can hold out. Please - if anyone is out there - help me. I cannot bear the thought of being alone for much longer.
Moral? eHarmony is better at finding you a mate than Superpoke Pets.
Comments (5)
yup.
took... almost 3 months
Haha that's cute :)
i think it's ok to be alone sometimes... i guess.
Can't wait for the next installments...thanks for your comments too...Mike
You are making me scream with laughter. The lonely menace out bids the second installment. GOD bless you dear sister!
Blog you later!
PS: Waiting for the third installment.